Eyes still welded shut, I told my legs about all the places and things that are worth getting up for. I pleaded with my arms, explaining all the hobbies I have to enjoy, the work I must complete, and the life I need to experience.
My body lay there, silent and unmoving.
I felt foolish for trying in the first place.
Out of arguments, I awoke instead at 2:45 p.m.
To slow the spread of a global pandemic caused by a new form of coronavirus, millions around the world quarantine themselves in their houses. While many people grapple with the distress of being alone for so long, I stare at my dusty bass guitar in the corner and wonder how I became so comfortable with this isolation.
In June of last year, I felt just as trapped as everyone does now. Without a high school to attend, I had no way to force myself to interact with other people. Most of the friendships I wrote in the sand were quickly whisked away by a tide I didn’t have the strength to stop.
I stewed in my house with my hand over their contact information, but the shame from not reaching out the day before propelled my fingers from the screen like a magnet. For nine months, my hand stayed frozen in the air.
The school parking lot opposite my window filled up with students. I watched with dismay as I realized they were getting on with their lives while I was stuck behind. Life itself was drifting from my grasp, unwilling to wait for me to pick myself back up.
As the winter chill melted off the trees and the panic of the infection took hold in the United States, governors in other states began to order citizens to stay six feet apart from each other at all times.
With college math, writing, and chemistry finals to take, I barely noticed how the world around me was changing. To avoid feeling the loss of my friends in June, I buried my thoughts into my schoolwork. I felt like I could do anything as long as I kept my head down and my hands busy.
Then my finals were canceled this spring.
I was once again stuck in my room and alone with my thoughts.
However, this time was different. Maybe allowing myself a few academic victories released me from my stagnant state of being. Perhaps the social distancing orders deprived me of something always available to me, thus giving me insight into its importance.
Whatever my epiphany was, it gave me just enough strength to finally strengthen my connections. Coincidentally, I was offered opportunities to attend two events remotely: a Dungeons & Dragons session with friends and an online hangout with my cousins.
For once, I felt like I could say yes.
To my surprise, both of the meetings were so successful that they were to become regular occurrences. Suddenly, I’m busy in a different way. In a happier way.
For once, I felt myself catching up to the life that left me behind.
As morning light seeps through the barren streets across from my house and into my bedroom, I lay there in bed.
I stir for a moment, then open my eyes.
Slowly but surely, I awaken at 9:30 a.m.
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